It is my prayer as I sit down to pen these words that others, who like me are struggling through difficult situations in their lives may receive Hope and Comfort in a time of need, through these words.
In December of last year my two year old granddaughter was diagnosed with MDS a type of leukemia that affects older people. April 1 of this year she entered the hospital for a bone marrow transplant. It has now been almost 5 month and we have lost Sophia 4 times and the Lord has brought her back each time.
Last Tuesday as I prayed, pleaded for her life and cried at her bedside, the Lord revealed to me that he was taking Sofi. He said to me, "What kind of a Father withholds a blessing from a son because he didn’t pray enough, wasn’t holy enough or didn’t say the right words? I know immediately who He was that was speaking to me and I prayed a prayer releasing her to His will. The desperation left me immediately and peace flooded my soul.
I sought to call a meeting with the family to prepare them but they didn’t want to meet. On Thursday August 12 the Doctors called a meeting at 4pm and shared how they did not know what to do next. In the meeting I was able to thank the Doctors and to testify to them that Sofi’s condition is out of their hands. I also shared with them and in front of the family that if the Lord chooses to take her we would continue to thank Him for the joy she brought to our life for those 2 short years.
I spent the weekend alone fighting back what I thought was “doubts” as the Holy Spirit gently was preparing me for what the Lord was about to do. This is one time when the words below aren’t exactly a cause of affirmation and joy.
Amos 3:7 Surely the Lord God does nothing, Unless He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets. NKJV
Yesterday August 17, the Doctors did a CT scan and told us that some of her organs are gone and the end appears eminent. I spent the night crying last night, erasing all the pictures I have of Sofi with pain on her face in the hospital and looking in Craig’s list for a cemetery plot.
Wednesday August 18, 2010 I woke up early and went to the hospital to be with my daughter and console her. I found the entire family desperately looking for a way (more prayer) to pray for Sofi’s deliverance from this situation.
Is it denial? Is it immaturity or lack of spirituality? I don’t know all I know is that the Lord gives grace for each one of His children to deal with things differently.
I tried to talk to my son in law Ozzie but when I saw his response, the Spirit stopped me before I could say much. I remembered the words Rick Joyner shared with me back in the 90’s when I brought him to Jacksonville. He said to me when I asked him about the depth of his revelation: “It’s not the 25% that I am allowed to speak but the 75% that I know but the Lord will not release me to share”.
Today, they have scheduled a major prayer meeting and out of love I will attend knowing what the Holy Spirit has shared with me in secret.
Thoughts that have run through my mind in these last few days;
“Lord, I will give you my life for hers just let her live’’ He is not having it!
She was the shooting star of joy that flew quickly across the canvas of my life.
The Spirit said to me today, I also paint with black to accentuate the beauty of the other colors. Which to me these words mean;
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things (the good, the bad, and the ugly) work together for good to those who love God, NKJV
As I prayed for her this morning I said Go with Papa Jesus my “Sho” “Dad” (She called me Dad) will be coming along soon! (When she was a baby she couldn’t say her full name so she called herself “Sho”)
I have never had a longing to get to heaven quickly but after last night a piece of my heart has been torn from my soul and I know I will not be fully healed until I see her again in Glory.
Wednesday Night the Prayer meeting was powerful and I am so proud of my kids they prayed with such anointing and I am so thankful for all the people that turned out! I had to pray too and I didn’t think I could pray with Faith considering what I knew but I opened my mouth and He filled it. Thanks Lord!
It was real difficult to pray but the Lord reminded me of David how he prayed and fasted for the life of his son even though the prophet had already foretold the child’s death. God’s Grace and Mercy is not limited even by His own words.
2 Sam 12:13-14 And Nathan said to David, "The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. 14 However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die."
2 Sam 12:16 David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground.
2 Sam 12:22 And he said, "While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?
There is also the example of Hezekiah when he got sick unto death;
2 Kings 20:1-6
In those days Hezekiah was sick and near death. And Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, went to him and said to him, "Thus says the Lord: 'Set your house in order, for you shall die, and not live.'"
2 Then he turned his face toward the wall, and prayed to the Lord, saying, 3 "Remember now, O Lord, I pray, how I have walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight." And Hezekiah wept bitterly.
4 And it happened, before Isaiah had gone out into the middle court, that the word of the Lord came to him, saying, “Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, 'Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: "I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord. 6 And I will add to your days fifteen years. I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for My own sake, and for the sake of My servant David."'"
It’s August 19 and the Doctors met with us again. Same story different verse they say she is critically ill and asked Monique what kind of care she wants in case Sofi has a traumatic event in the next few days. Of course, Monique could not answer right away. Afterwards Lisette my youngest scolded me because she said, “Where is that man of Faith?” that wasn’t as bad until she said “I came in here a doubting Thomas but I am leaving here an Abraham!” So I prayed; Lord, if you do what I believe you are telling me where will me daughter be? I need to talk to Papa this feels like I have been kicked in the gut.
I call my overseer Don Atkin and shared by email what I have written so far. His response was affirming and I am now praying hard for my girls to be strong.
Today, Sofi began to bleed in her lung and the doctors have paralyzed her and turned her upside down to take the pressure off her little lungs. I prayed and cried at her bedside but still no release from the Lord to share what I have been told.
Today is Thursday, I haven’t written in a few days, Sofi looks very bad and I know by the Spirit the end is near. Last night my daughter Monique mentioned the word “deathbed” and I am pained and relieved and at the same time, because I know she has a great destiny before her.
Friday, August 27th The Lord said this morning as I was preparing to exercise “I want you to shut in with me, pray and read your Bible”. I know what that means. Also, the recording on my phone of Sofi wishing me a happy birthday (a recording I have been listening to for over a month) has been mysteriously erased from my phone. I know that that means too. Father, have Mercy!
I got the call at 5pm “you need to come now” All I could say to my kids was “I don’t understand now but some day I will.”As I stood there it felt surreal because of the strength I had inside. I know it’s because of so many people praying for me. My mind could not believe what was happening before my eyes but my heart was in a supernatural place of peace. At 7:30pm My little angel, the joy of my life breathed her last.
I want to thank my Lord Jesus for preparing my heart for the greatest pain in my life. I want to thank each of you that prayed tirelessly for me and my family and Sofi right to the end but it is not the end it’s her beginning at the feet of the Lover of My Soul.
Jose Bosque
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